The Kate Chronicles

Another False Dichotomy: Social and Physical Pain

Recently, I've heard several neuorscientists talk about the biological link between social and physical pain. Closeness with others, these researchers maintain, not only help us cope with social and physical pain, but also helps us live longer. I especially enjoyed the beginning of this  excerpt in Salon from a new book coming out by Leonard Mlodinow ("Sublimation: How Your Unconcious Mind Rules Your Behavior"). Why? Because he hones in on the mother-son bond, of course!

 "I came home from work late one evening, hungry and frustrated, and popped into my mother’s house, which was next door to mine. She was eating a frozen dinner and sipping from a mug of hot water. CNN blared on the TV in the background. She asked how my day had been. I said, “Oh, it was good.” She looked up from her black plastic food tray and, after a moment, said, “No, it wasn’t. What happened? Have some pot roast.” My mother was eighty-eight, hard of hearing, and half blind in her right eye—which was her good eye. But when it came to perceiving her son’s emotions, my mother’s X-ray vision was unimpaired."

 

Why The "Mommy Wars" is a False Conflict

Check out this great column in the New York Times by Amy Allen, a Dartmouth College philosophy and women's and gender studies professor. She perfectly cuts through the false construct of pitting women against each other while arguing over parenting style. I particularly like what she says about third wave feminism, which questions the binary distinctions like reason versus emotion, mind versus body, male versus female. This is so important. It also reminds me of an old joke: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who feel the need to divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don't.

More Men Enter Fields Once Dominated By Women

Interesting piece in today's NYT about men entering traditionally "pink collar" jobs like nursing and teaching. In The Mama's Boy Myth I talk about how mothers who keep their sons close tend to impart skills sets - like communication, team work, the ability to be more nuturing - that will help them in an economy where the growth is in the social service sector. 

As The Times puts it: "The trend began well before the crash, and appears to be driven by a variety of factors, including financial concerns, quality-of-life issues and a gradual erosion of gender stereotypes. An analysis of census data by The New York Times shows that from 2000 to 2010, occupations that are more than 70 percent female accounted for almost a third of all job growth for men, double the share of the previous decade."

Yup. 

"Dictators With Mommy Issues"

Oh for Heaven's Sake. "Dictators with Mommy Issues" is the headline for an article this week on the Foreign Policy website. The subtitle: "Some of the world's most ruthless leaders have had surprisingly close - if deeply troubled - relationships with their mothers. This piece brings Mother Bashing to new heights, with all kinds of crazy spurious connections. Here is just one example, about Joseph Stalin: 

JOSEPH STALIN

Country: Soviet Union    

Mother: Ekaterina ("Keke")

"Relationship: Stalin, like Hitler, was fond of his mother but had a tumultuous relationship with his father, an alcoholic who savagely beat him and Keke ("Soso," as Stalin was called, once arrived at a police officer's house in the Georgian village where he grew up with his face covered in blood, yelling "he's killing my mother!").

Keke worked hard as a laundress to enroll Stalin in a church school and later a theological seminary -- even fighting to send him back to school when his father, who had since left the home, briefly kidnapped Soso, and set him up as an apprentice cobbler. But she too meted out corporal punishment and grew angry with Stalin when he misbehaved at school. And while Stalin installed his mother in a palace in Georgia during his rise to power, he rarely visited her. His letters to her included lines such as "Dear mother, please live for 10,000 years. Kisses, Soso" and "I know you're disappointed in me but what can I do? I'm busy and can't write often."

Let's see....Stalin and his mother were savagely beaten by his alcoholic father. She fought the father to try to keep her son in school. Yup, must have been that close relationship with him mom that made Stalin the monster he was. Sheesh.

 

Mother-Son Mother's Day Tradition

Got an email yesterday from one of my fellow former-soccer moms. She was remembering our Mother's Day soccer tradition. Our boys usually had a game on that Sunday, and we moms would prepare a pot-luck brunch. We also held a brief scrimmage: moms against the sons.

This is why we have children when we are young: it's not that I'm in bad shape - I go to the gym regularly - but the thought of chasing a soccer ball down a field now, let alone contesting my son for that ball, makes me realize how far away those days of mud-caked cleats, sweat-soaked 5th graders and sideline cheers really are. 

And I do miss those days. Then again, on Friday I was up in Boston doing a book event, and then got to watch My Son teach a math lesson to his second grade class. For this mom, just as priceless as watching him run up the field.

Gender Reveal Parties

This has been a trend for awhile, but I still find it kind of appalling. In "Gender Reveal" parties, the results of a woman's pre-natal sonnogram are sent to a baker. The baker makes a cake with either pink or blue custard or food dye in the cake batter. The expecting parents invite over their friends and family, cut in the cake, and voila - the baby's sex is revealed.

It's not just the public nature of the revelation and the lack of focus on simply hoping for a healthy baby (as someone who had several late miscarriages, I would worry about tempting fate) but also the focus on the pink or blue. The infant hasn't been born, and now we are going to have a party to start building on our preconceptions about just how different that child will be, depending on that x or y chromosome. Because baby boys will be aggressive and curious, and baby girls will be sweet and delicate, and blah blah with the socially-created and then fulfilled expectations.

Clearly feeling a bit cranky this morning. Anyway, here's a video of such an event. 

 

Top Chefs Still Love Mom's Cooking

For Hugh Acheson, the acclaimed chef-proprietor of three Georgia restaurants, it was his mom's signature chicken piccata. For Jose Garces, a James Beard award winner who presides over six restaurants in Chicago and Philadelphia, it was his mom's empananadas, cheesy and hot, usually served at half-time during a Chicago Bears game. "These foods gain their power on us based on associations with primary caregivers, usually moms," Shira Gabriel, an associate professsor at the State University at New York at Buffalo, told the Associated Press. Gabriel, who co-authored a 2011 study on comfort foods added, "These foods that moms make for us give us a little ability to bring up that love whenver we want. They're really powerful."

Or as Garces says simply, "It brings me back to a good place, to a good time in my life."

And now a moment from our sponsor...

It's a commerical, I know. But I LOVE this.

 

Chatting Up Other Authors On Literary Panel

Yesterday I moderated a literary panel put together as a fund raiser for the New Rochelle (NY) Library Foundation. I really enjoyed it, because I got to ask fellow authors some questions about the writing and publication process that I have been wondering about.

Two of the authors, David Hadju and Deborah Baker, were National Book Award finalists, and Deborah had been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for a biography she wrote. (I know it's not all about prizes, but it still impressed the heck out of me.) It was comforting to hear about the anxiety everyone else was also dealing with - creative, financial, etc. - the relationship they had with their subject matter (yes, some biographers feel they have to "break-up" with their subject at the end of a book), not to mention the disconnect between the solitary act of writing and the very public act of book promotion.

And the bonus - it all benefited a library, another subject we talked about, as libraries are near and dear to the heart of most writers.

Note: This photo is not actually us on the panel. Those people are actors. Writers are far thinner and more beautiful than that.  

Overload

My blogging has really been falling by the wayside lately, and I can only blame the craziness that surrounded the publicity for the book. It's been great - more attention than I could have dreamed of - but it does keep you really busy. For the latest, check out my author's face book page. 

Meanwhile here's a piece that was just on cbs.com:

April 17, 2012 12:51 PM

"The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger," by Kate Lombardi

By

Jeff Glor

(Credit: Penguin Publishing)

Jeff Glor talks to Kate Lomdardi about "The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger."

 

Jeff Glor: What inspired you to write the book?

Kate Lombardi: My son and I have always had a close relationship. So do so many other moms and sons I know. But the only cultural image we ever see of mother-son closeness is a negative one. Not only in books, but also in movies, on television and in commercials, the portrayal is always that stereotypical "Mama's Boy" image: the controlling, smothering mom and the weak, dependent son. But in real homes, mothers are nurturing warm, close relationships with their sons, and far from raising wimpy guys, they are raising strong, emotionally intelligent, independent young men. I wanted to explore that disconnect - what accounted for this big gap between the popular image and the reality?

 

 

JG: What surprised you the most during the writing process?

KL: So many mothers I interviewed said something along the lines of, "You have to understand, my son and I have a particularly close relationship" or "We're unusually close." Young men, too, would talk about how they opened up to their moms more than most guys. The truth, it turned out, was that mother-son closeness was really very prevalent. But all these moms and sons thought their relationships were unique, because no one ever talks about it. The taboo about moms and sons is still so strong that this was all going on underground.

 

 

JG: What would you be doing if you weren't a writer?

KL: I would probably spend a lot more time cooking. I love every aspect of it - shopping for ingredients, coming up with new ideas, preparing the food while listening to my favorite music. I even have a few playlists with titles like "Music To Cook By" and have been caught using a spatula as a faux-microphone. (I could do without washing the pots and pans, of course.)

 

 

JG: What else are you reading right now?

KL: Just finished "Sense of An Ending," by Julian Barnes. Before that it was "Swamplandia!" by Karen Russell, and I've been a little obsessed with "Room" by Emma Donoghue.

 

 

JG: What's next for you?

KL: "The Mama's Boy Myth" seems to have really touched a cultural nerve and opened up a conversation on the issues of mothers and sons. I followed my instincts in pursuing that topic, so I'm going to follow them again and see where this theme leads me.

 

For more on "The Mama's Boy Myth," visit the Penguin Group website.

 

And the Myth Just Keeps On Comin'....Check out this new TV show!

Mama's Boys of The Bronx - starting tonight on TLC! What stereotypes?

 

"A Boy's Best Friend Is His Mother"

When I was taping "All Things Considered" late  last week, the host mentioned that she might have me read a bit from my book. But then she corrected herself and said, "Oh, no, actually, I think were going to use a scene from 'Psycho' for the lead in."

I knew I wouldn't be able to escape Freud when I wrote about mothers and sons, but it turned out that Normal Bates would be another perennial. Not that it's inappropriate - I use him myself in the book, because he is the ultimate symbol of a sick mother-son relationship. And he's a stronger cultural touch stone than some of the other introductory material that has been used, like scenes from the movies "Mama's Boys" and "Failure to Launch." 

That, and he uttered one of the great movie lines of all times. (See title of this blog post.)

Mother-Son Book -Anne and Sam Lamott

Started reading "Some Assembly Required" last night, a book co-authored by Anne Lamott and her son Sam.

Like many mothers, I had been a big fan of Lamott (Anne)'s book, "Operating Instructions" which chronciled her son's first year of life. This book promises to be a kind of sequel. Sam himself became a father at the age of 19; the book is about his son Jax's first year of life, and Anne's experience as a grandmother.

So far I'm a little perplexed. The book is vintage Anne Lamott - her strong voice, her own brand of Christianity woven in, her keen descriptions of what a newborn's soiled diaper looks like. But - at least at this point - I don't know why the book is co-authored. I have yet to hear Sam's voice ( except when she quotes his emails), and the book seems entirely from her point of view. Perhaps the voice will switch later on. I must confess that I bought this book in hardcover, so I was able to peek ahead and didn't see anything forthcoming from Sam, but it was late at night, so I might have missed it.

Meanwhile in my book land, I am going to be on NPR's "All Things Considered" this weekend, which is exciting and a little nerve-wracking. Taping it tomorrow.

Check Out This Mother-Son Story

In this NPR piece, 12-year-old Grant Coursey interviews his mother. Grant was a toddler when he was diagnosed with neuoroblastoma, a cancer found in young children. He is now cancer-free. They talk about what it was like for both of them. The bond between this mother and son is profound. Just find the 2 minutes and 58 seconds it takes to listen to them. And then remember, as Grant says, "life is really good."

Trayvon's Mother

I can't stop thinking about Trayvon Martin's mother. Trayvon is the teenager who was shot and killed in Florida by a man conducting a "neighborhood watch." The man who shot him claimed self-defense; Trayvon was armed with a bag of Skittles an ice tea. 

In today's NYT, Trayvon's mom, Sybrina Fulton, fills in some details about her 17-year-old son, who has become an icon of racial bias and fear. His nickname was "Slimm" because he was all arms and legs, almost 6 feet talll but only 140 pounds. He loved sports - watching and playing - and his favorite meal was hamburgers and french fries. For dessert, it was all about brownies. Trayvon worked odd jobs to make extra money and he was a sweet babysitter to his young girl cousins.

He sounds a lot like my son.

There was a woman  I interviewed for my book who described taking her two sons out to dinner, One night, her older boy, 14, started to get upset, because he perceived a white woman at a nearby table  staring at him. He said, "Mom, that woman over there is looking at me like I'm going to steal something." The boy's mom hadn't picked up on any hostile vibe. "What I experienced as an African-American woman wasn't the same as what they were experiencing as African-American young men," this mother told me.

It was anguishing for her, and - like so many African-American mothers of sons - her first priority was simply in keeping her sons safe. Her 14-year-old was a gentle soul, and still very much needed his mother. But she felt ill-equipped at that moment, knowing that many in the world would always see him as a threat, not as the kid who liked nothing more than coming home from school, loading up on chocolate chip cookies, and getting a hug from his mother after a long day at school.

Spring and The Fast Life

There is something about this premature spring that makes me wish I could slow down time. My favorite tree in the backyard is a small weeping cherry, but our family has always called in "the popcorn tree" because of the way the white blossoms pop up over the course of just a few days at the end of April. Well, it's already partially popped this morning. The forsythia are completely in bloom. As much as I love springtime,this is all happening too fast.

It feels like the book is on a parallel track - so much happening so fast, that I can't stay on top of it. Yesterday articles about The Mama's Boy Myth appeared in newspapers in India and the UK (complete with quotes, which was interesting since I've never spoken to reporters in either country) and photos of me and My Son. Ironically, My Son is so busy - he is working 12 hour days, 6 days a week, and also interviewing for new jobs for next year - that I rarely kept to speak to him.

It's all good - well, maybe not the climate change, but the full lives that are moving forward - but these days I feel like I'm watching time-lapse photography. 

24 Hours of Craziness

Phew! It's possible I've had some other equally intense 24 hour period in my life, but if so, I can't remember it. It was all good - lots of publicity for the book - but kind of surreal. Friday morning, the piece in Time.com appeared. Then I went on the Brian Lehrer show, WNYC. (Crazy, hectic studio - I have no idea how he sounds so calm on the radio.) Then up to MSNBC and the Dylan Ratigan show. (He was in LA, I was in NY studio, hearing his questions through an ear piece.) The next morning it was Fox & Friends, where the intro to my appearance was a clip from the movie "Failure to Launch."

It was an incredible whirlwind. Thank goodness The Weatherman accompanied me to all appearances, because he kept me somewhat calm and put up with my jitters. And how I wish I could bring those make-up and hair people home with me! Today I'm back in my jeans writing, and looking like my old self.

Time.com

The Myth of the Mama’s Boy

We never worry about an involved father "masculinizing" his daughter; why do such fears persist about a feminizing aspect of mothering?

By KATE STONE LOMBARDI | March 16, 2012 

JOHN HOWARD / GETTY IMAGES

Lombardi's book is The Mama's Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger.

For generations, mothers have gotten the same old message when it comes to raising sons: beware of keeping him “too close.” A mom who nurtures a deep emotional bond will prevent him from growing up to be a strong, independent man. By refusing to cut those apron strings, she is on track to create the archetypal, effeminate, maladjusted “mama’s boy.” There’s one problem with this theory: it’s just not true.

From the Oedipus myth (not to mention the complex Freud created around it) to the movie “Psycho,” our culture warns us about the dangers of mother-son closeness. No other parent-child combination is so stigmatized. We encourage mothers and daughters, as well as fathers and sons, to stay close throughout their adult lives. And a supportive father is considered essential to a daughter’s self-esteem. A dad can coach his daughter’s lacrosse team, wipe her tears and encourage her loftiest ambition, all with smiling approval.

(MORE: The Myths of Bullying)

But a mother who is similarly involved in her son’s life is often accused of coddling, meddling, smothering or acting inappropriately. While we don’t worry about an involved father “masculinizing” his daughter, there is clearly concern about the feminizing influence of mom. As one woman said to me, “It’s like if I spend too much time with my son, he’ll start running around, begging for directions.” Mothers of sons are supposed to push their boys away, physically and emotionally, in the name of their developing manhood.

This double standard is misguided and can be deeply damaging to boys. Certainly we know very young boys benefit from their mothers’ love and comfort. A study published in Child Development involving almost 6,000 children found that baby boys who do not form strong attachments to their mothers grow up to be more aggressive and destructive children. And when young sons are encouraged to separate prematurely from their mothers, they become anxious little boys who carry a fear of intimacy and betrayal into their adult years, says Dr. Michael Kimmel, a sociologist who has written extensively about masculinity. After all, the first woman they have loved and depended upon has pushed them away.

(MORE: ‘Childist’ Nation: Does America Hate Kids?)

As boys grow older, mothers who stay close to their sons can help combat the worst elements of a culture that cuts off boys’ natural sensitivity and rich emotional life. For years, headlines have proclaimed that boys are in “crisis.” They suffer from being forced to conform to standards of masculinity that still decree the only acceptable emotions are anger and aggression. Boys are also falling behind girls in school, getting lower grades, exhibiting more behavioral problems and receiving more diagnoses of learning disabilities.

These are not unrelated problems, and moms can be part of the solution.  Nurturing mothers can help their sons develop emotional intelligence, encouraging them to talk about their feelings and recognize those of others. Certainly boys who are better able to articulate their thoughts and who have stronger self-control will perform better in the classroom than boys who retreat into silence or act out. One study of 400 middle school boys in New York City public schools revealed that boys who were closer to their mothers were less likely to define masculinity as being tough, stoic and self reliant. These boys not only had less anxiety and depression than their more stoic peers, but also were getting better grades.

(MORE: How to Unlock Your Child’s Academic Potential)

And contrary to stereotype, boys who can express a broader range of emotions will not become wimps, forever clinging to their mommies, but instead independent guys who will make strong, empathetic spouses and partners, says Dr. William Pollack, a psychology professor at Harvard University. What’s more, these young men will be better equipped to navigate today’s economy, where communication skills and team work are more important for success than brute physical strength or dominance.

Moms are tired of being told to back off from their sons for their own good. By keeping sons close, they aren’t creating “mama’s boys.” Moms are helping their sons reach their full human potential and setting up their boys for happier, more successful lives.

MORE: Ten Ideas That Are Changing Your Life

Lombardi is a journalist and author of The Mama’s Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger. The views expressed are solely her own.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/03/16/the-myth-of-the-mamas-boy/#ixzz1pHMBXV7T

 

PUBLICATION DAY!!!!

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

  "In spite of the sometimes tough negotiations, colleagues and confidents describe a warm chemistry betwen the two leaders that trancends policy differences." That's from an NYT story about  the relationship between the managing director of the International Monetary Fund Christine Lagarde and the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel. 

The two are split over how to protect vulnerable European economies, but what struck me was the civilized nature of their discord. How is that related to moms and sons? So many mothers work with their sons to develop emotional intelligence - how to articulate their feelings and understand those of others (traditionally a "female" skill set). This isn't just about teaching boys to play well with others. It has huge potential for their adults lives. Last year, Harvard Business School introduced a new leadership course that tries to develop emotional intelligence in students. Clearly Harvard recognizes these skills as critically important. Leadership, political, business, or other, is no long seen as simply top-down dominance of will, but as working intelligently with others. 

Heaven knows, international economic issues are complex and the stakes are high. But how refreshing to see two leaders who approach their differences with civility. Wouldn't it be nice if the US Congress had a wee bit of emotional intelligence these days?

"The Boy" no more

For years I have referred to my son as "The Boy" on this blog. It's time for an update.

After all, I am arguing in my book that one of the persistent myths about the mother-son relationship is the theory that a mother who is close to her son will necessarily infantalize him, hold him back from independence and keep him from growing up. In fact, boys who have healthy, close bonds with their moms gain the security and self-confidence they need to make their way as strong, independent adults. 

Yesterday, The Boy called home and we caught up on everything from how he learned to keep a boneless chicken breast tender (with my adult kids, my son is the cook; my daughter the one who microwaves frozen burritos and buys a lot of take-out)  to, most important, his career plans for next year. He has opportunities in a number of cities and is weighing the pros and cons of each.

The Boy, of course, is not a boy. He is a man. So from here on, in this blog, he is officially dubbed "My Son."

Are you ok with this, P? 

 

The WSJ Conversation Continues.....

Well, the impassioned discussion on the Wall Street Journal excerpt of my book continues. Today I'll be doing a live chat on the site and taking reader's questions. Please come and join the conversation on Wednesday the 29th at 2 p.m. at www. wsj.com Here's the link, but you might have to cut and paste it. Technical difficulties on my end!

 http://on.wsj.com/xcbHxG

WSJ - Overwhelming!

I was at the Shoprite last week buying huge quantities of pork and sweet potatoes because I had volunteered to cook dinner for a group of 18 homeless folks -it's part of an interfaith program that shelters people during the coldest winter months. Because I am so compulsive, I checked my emails on the check-out line and got the news that the Wall Street Journal wanted to run an excerpt from The Mama's Boy Myth. This was huge and amazing news. And oh yes, they needed the article by noon the next day.

The next 24 hour were a blur, involving writing, editing, potato mashing, meat roasting (someone else was bringing the salad and bread), and a quick trip into Manhattan to film a video clip to accompany the article. 

Then the real craziness began -seeing the article appear, watching the response as it climbed up the most emailed, viewed and read list. The comments - well, all I can say is that evidently I  hit a nerve. Geez. At the end of the book I suggest that I wanted to get a conversation going about this topic. Didn't realize it would be quite such an impassioned one!

Stephen Colbert, Mama's Boy

Was the FCC throwing him off the air? Problems on the set? What caused two cancelled tapings of "The Colbert Report" last week?

It turns out that Stephen Colbert was visiting his ailing 91-year-old mother. The two, by all reports, are very close. And his mother seems to be on the mend. During last night's show, Colbert wrapped up with, "Oh, and one more thing. Evidently having 11 children makes you tough as nails. Confidential to a lovely lady," following with a small salute.

Another boy who proudly and publicly loves his mama. And who seems to be doing pretty well.

And We Will Title The Book...uh.....

Here's a nice way to start my week. Check out this opening of a blog post from the Tampa Bay Times: 

"It's rare that the mere title of a book gets me to exclaim, "Finally!" but that's what I muttered under my breath when I arrived this morning and found this from our book editor awaiting my perusal: The Mama’s Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger written byNew York Times contributor Kate Stone Lombardi."

Yea! I remember all the back-and-forth that went on about what the title of the book should be. At one point it was "Oedipus Wrecks." At another it was "Mothers and Sons." "The Mama's Boy Myth" was once the title of chapter one. So this opening sentence, along with a really nice blog post about the book, really made my day! 

Grandmother-Grandson Quote of The Week

"I know nothing about basketball. I only know when Jeremy puts the ball in the basket he has done a good thing."

-Lin Chu A Muen, grandmother of the (lately extraorinary) New York Knick Jeremy Lin

George Clooney, NPR and Me

Let's see if I can make this connection: George loves NPR. I am booked to do an interview about the book on WAMC/Northeast Public Radio. (Live interview on the pub date, March 15 - yikes!) Therefore, George loves me!

This is SO few degrees of separation.

 

Twitter - "A Thought Burped Up"

At least that's how NYT media columnist David Carr describes a tweet. Like so many others, I was offended by Roland Martin's homophobic tweets during the Super Bowl. At one point he wrote: "If a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham's H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him!#superbowl." Referring to a guy dressed in pink, he wrote, "Who the hell was that New England Patriot that just showed in a head to toe pink suit? Oh, he needs a visit from #teamwhipdatass."

Sigh.  I actually didn't follow his tweets live, but read about them afterwards and here I am, perpetuating their after-life. Lots of on-going handwring on whether or not it was right for CNN to suspend Martin for what he wrote. But however you feel about journalistic freedom, Twitter, the unedited thoughts,  and the like, it's just so discouraging to hear these nasty homophobic comments spewed out. No wonder so many people - both young and old -  feel unsafe.

Look What Arrived At My House Yesterday!

It's here! Though the official pub date is March 15, I got a hard copy of the book yesterday. Would I sound too much like a proud mama if I told you that it's beautiful?

This is an amazing experience for a first-time author. Just seeing everything pulled together - you know how many drafts of each chapter there were, you know how long it took you to track down that one study you refer to in Chapter 4, you know there are piles and piles of manilla folders in your office, electronic files on your computer - but there it sits on my family room table, all pulled together. 

I feel like I should send out a birth announcement. It's a book!

 

Moms and Football Again

Eli Manning isn't the only New York Giant who is close to his mama. Yesterday I was reading about Mario Manningham and his mother. Mario - for that tiny percentage of you who missed the Super Bowl on Sunday -came up with an amazing 38-yard catch in the fourth quarter, managing to keep both feet inbounds though he was impossibly close to the sideline, and help propel his team toward victory. 

Manningham had been having a tough season and was often frustrated. His mother, Marion, counseled him to bite his tongue and be patient. The ball would come to him, she advised him. He followed his mother's advice, and on Sunday, Marion Manningham was wearing her son's #82 jersey while she watched confetti rain down on her victorious son and his teammates. Later she told the reporter about how she raised Mario, insisting he finish his homework and come inside once the the street lamps came on. Here's the end of the piece, from the NYT, describing the post-Super Bowl victory scene:

"A large crowd gathered around his podium, reporters stacked behind each other, five, six, seven deep. He took no fewer than 20 questions about the catch. He answered all happily, his feet - and his catch - frozen in time, his mom behind him, same as always."

Boys in The Kitchen

Whenever the phrase "mother-son bonding" turns up in a national newspaper these days, I take notice. This one jumped out at me from an article headlined "My Sons, the Sous-Chefs" which ran on the cover of yesterday's NYT Dining section. The author writes about handing over responsibility for one family meal a week to her boys, ages 14 and 10.

I liked the article as much for what it didn't say as what it did. It didn't talk about boys cooking as if it was a novelty. It didn't say that these guys would grow up to be great husbands. It didn't apologize for the fact that a working woman shouldn't have to come home and wait hand and foot on the rest of the family. 

It was just business as usual of a mom teaching her kids some responsiblity (and not just cooking, but balanced, nutritious and tasty meals were expected). I asked myself if the Times would have featured this piece if it was a mother matter-of-factly expecting her daughters to help with the cooking. Probably not - I think it was the fact that they were guys which added to its perceived charm. But kudos for the author for not making that the point of the piece.