Anxiety

Love and Hate

DownloadStill struggling with integrating disparate worlds. The Pittsburgh synagogue murders break my heart. I cry whenever I read about it. I hadn't even finished reading about the bombs sent to 14 people before this slaughter happened.

Our country is in deep trouble. Every day it gets worse. 

And then there's my family. Last weekend we spent my son's 30th birthday in upstate New York. My husband and me, our daughter, our son and his wife. I wanted to freeze frame just about every minute - the hikes (all of us in ridiculous matching bright orange wool caps, which I insisted we wear because it's deer hunting season), the laughter, the games, the meals, listening to my daughter and my daughter-in-law compare notes on political canvassing, watching the tender relationship between my son and his wife, watching my husband quietly take care of stoking the fire to keep us warm....

Sheesh - I'm teaching tonight at the place-that-shall-not-be-named, and I was going to focus on run-on sentences. Doctor, heal thyself.

Anyway, I know I am privileged to be able to put some distance between my family and the political nightmare that is our country. Many people, especially those living in war ravaged countries, cannot. And yes, most of us are doing what we can to repair this broken, broken world.

But I'm scared. And you can only hide out in the mountains for so long.

 

 


Anxiety Girl Returns

DownloadJust last night I was thinking I'd become too calm and relaxed. My own daughter described me as "mellow." That is SO not me, though she may have meant that I was relatively mellow. I'd began to worry that I had lost my edge, my ambition - just my overall drive.

Leave it to Anxiety Girl to worry about not being worried. Fear not - I'm back to my usual heart galloping, stomach-aching, hand-shaking self. Sigh.

Too much going on - including a now-delayed flight this afternoon. Was dreading the flight, but now am anxious being late too.  I need to get to a wake and a funeral.

Also stressing out over a volunteer commitment that I am not allowed to discuss on social media. Let's just say it involves a great deal of clearance and security and hoop-jumping. All for good reason, but incredibly time-consuming and being shoe-horned into a handful of days. 

And then there's Congress. 

Well, I guess I can take being too calm off my worry list. Lists.